when i die

when i die i wanna come back to earth as a sandwich, so people can eat me. that wouldn't be a very long life eh, you would probably get eaten on the first day, what would happen you think, would you be like living inside of the person until they poo? and then would you be that poo? and then would you like decompose into the ground? and then like become a tree or something? being a tree would be pretty cool, but one of those walking around trees, cause i would get bored. i thing i would be a nice tree, i would provide shade, i would like play guitar and sing when people are having sex under me. i would lets young children build a fort in me. then some asshole would chop me down and turn me into a fucking table, i guess i would be a table at that point eh, and some douche would be putting his cups on me with out a coaster, come on man what are you thinking. i wonder how long i could be a table for, probably a long time. i think i would end up being one of those tables that get put in a garage for a bunch of years and forgotten about, you know what this has given me a knew respect for tables, im going to go home and shake my tables hand, well they don't have hands i guess ill just pet it and whisper nice words to it. you know what im going to make a table with hands. if i was a table i feel like i would eventually become firewood and turn into ash and then at that point im pretty much fucked, unless a hot girl drank me or something in like milk perhaps, you never know she might think its like chocolate milk powder or something.................. that be cool. i guess.

Jesus like his sandwiches

do you know what Jesus' favourite sandwich is? well i do............... and its between me and him, play your cards right and you might get to know.....


alright its a spaghetti sandwich, don't tell Marry she'll kill him.

DON'T DO THIS

never drop your sandwich, NEVER! treat it with respect.

ITS BACON TIME!!!!!!!

              that's right its

BACON TIME!!!!!

BACON TIME!!!!!

BACON TIME!!!!!

BACON TIME!!!!!

BACON TIME!!!!!

What is bacon time you say, well have you ever danced and ate bacon at the same time? if you haven't your fucking stupid and you should. put on some old fashioned twist music and get down and funky, its time to get weird with your favourite food item, bacon. i just love saying the word bacon its fun to say, like chlamydiae its fun to say, why do they have to name such bad things with cool sounding names like chlamydiae. this is completely irrelevant to bacon, ive just always thought this, they should change the name chlamydiae to like death cheese or something, something that doesn't sound pleasant. anyways back to whatever the fuck i was talking about. bacon is cool, its way  better than chlamydiae.

the Scully sandwhich

what is the Scully sandwich you say, well i will explain only if you listen carefully. first of you want to start with two slices of gorgeous plain white bread, none of that fucking shit with nuts in it, FUCK THAT SHIT! any who after you have carefully selected your bread you want to smear some good old fashioned mayonnaise on one piece and some old fashioned honey mustard on the other piece. okay so next you want to get a pick, not just any pickle this has to be a Mexican tree pick, these are very rare so you might have to trade a goat for it, and where do you get a goat? well that's easy goat farmers love shovels, so go to Canadian tire and get a shovel, and turn that into a goat. i kind off forgot what i was talking about. any who know its time for the fish you wanna cook some halibut fish, gotta be halibut, known of this salmon bullshit. next you want some bacon, ya i said it, its fucking bacon time. next you want some cheese and guess what, its goat cheese. ya that's right its time to milk that goat and turn there precious fluids into delicious goat cheese. once you got that on the sandwich its time to move on to the classic and simple lettuce and tomato. stack all that shit together and BAM! you got a fucking Scully sandwich, make this at home and you will be surprised  as to how delicious it truly is, and don't forget your safety goggles and gloves, be safe and have a good sandwich time.

if i was a sandwich

if i was a sandwich i would be........ a turkey club. because it has bacon and turkey on it, and its fucking delicious, i would be this sandwhich cause i see myself as kind of like a piece of bacon and my attidude is that of a turkey so i feel as i am the same as this delicious sandwhich, and lets get real im pretty delicious.